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Dear Goodbye
01 September 2011 @ 03:44 pm
NOT OUR DREAM
knights and kings
pirates and cowboys
love around the world
all for a different reason

love of pride
love of riches
love of the sea
love of guns

maybe love of a woman
time changes man
one thing stays true
each want what they love

through the ages tales emerge
one thing is always the same
men do what they can to win their women
women fall for the charming exterior

we all want our prince charming
maybe he's only to be found in stories
words brought to life by imagination
yet in our hearts that's the love we yearn for

searching throughout the world
always looking for a fairy tale
we miss the one right in front of us
not the knight or king or pirate or cowboy

the one who was there all along
who let us cry on his shoulder
who laughed with us
always striving to make us smile

eventually he might just drift away
grab him while he's there
it may not be the fairytale
but it's true, that much is palpable



THE FOREST

within the thick, words emerge
always just out of sight
tempting to try and find
but hidden until the end of time

blurry details
no black and white
lies and truths merging into one
neither distinguishable from the other

walk a little deeper
breathe just a bit more
take everything in
just don't let go

you've found the place of promise
with everything and nothing together
you seek truth, you seek answers
here you'll find both

be prepared to experience it all
you'll get more then you want
more then you could dream of
thoughts...words...wishes...hopes...

don't lose yourself within the darkness
stay on the path
fight the temptation to go even further
to forget your true self

keep yourself together
learn...don't thirst for the knowledge
let it soak into your bones
remember always....
 
 
Dear Goodbye
18 April 2007 @ 12:26 pm
It's been such a long time since I've posted in here I'd almost forgotten this journal existed. I suppose that was a good and bad thing since my life has just become beyond chaotic these days. I'm trying to fix my background for my journal now but I have to leave for a lab for chem in about ten minutes. FYI this is a test post.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
03 September 2006 @ 02:35 am
Okay so I went out last night and I drank quite a bit but I remember pretty much everything and I know that I don't remember how the fuck I got the godzilla sized hickey on my neck. I mean I made out with this kid but a hickey this size had to hurt when I got it and nothing I can remember hurt. But it was awesome and I'm drunk now so I'm awesome and I'll write again tomorrow.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
28 July 2006 @ 12:51 pm
Hey there! My name's Christina and I'm a huge HP RPG fan... I really adored to_yesterday and got slightly internet-bored when it ended almost a year ago. I was re-reading the logs yesterday and wondered if you (or your fellow RPGrs) still don't have on your hard drive cobwebbed AIM logs that you ended up never posting that you could post on GJ or send'em to me by e-mail? A great big THANKS in advance and I hope everything's A-okay with you! Please answer..


Anyone else get an e-mail like that? I don't even have any of the logs anymore because my computer got wiped out so I can't help her.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
23 July 2006 @ 08:04 pm
I'm back at the deadend job I despise and I won't be leaving it anytime soon since the school I want to attend is currently not accepting applications. I'm twenty years old and I've yet to do anything with my life. I have no car, barely any friends, and no one to talk to and so I'm turning back to this online journaling life just to get my anger out. I really dislike my life and I don't know how to change it. Maybe in the next couple of months I'll save enough money to get myself a car, but do I even want to deal with that? Not really. God I don't know what to do.
 
 
 
Dear Goodbye
Well Congratufuckinglations.....

I've found that every guy I've ever been involved with lands in one of five categories; liar, player, dick, brainless, or just an all around fucking loser. I fully understand why I've been described by more than one person as a loser magnet. I never seem to make the right choices when it involves guys. I mean I meet nice guys, hell I've gone out with nice guys but somehow I always end up picking a dickhead over them. Maybe I should just ban myself from dating all together. Or just avoid the male species in general.

Let me give you some examples of my complete and utter stupidity:
1) The guy who just plain treats you awful.
2) The guy who's actually dating you and someone else at the same time.
3) The guy who manipulates you when your not quite yourself.
4) The guy that says he's "just" your friend and then freaks out on you every time you make plans with another guy who is in fact just a friend.

That about sums it up. I mean I could certainly add more but I just won't. And for those of you that actually read this....why?
 
 
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
 
 
Dear Goodbye
20 October 2005 @ 04:51 pm
I'm so happy right now, I'm in a really good place even if I'm working a massive amount of hours. At least my check will be fucking sweet.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
04 September 2005 @ 05:42 pm
Okay...so here's the deal. I've got a thing for this kid, more than a little thing. He's attractive, sweet, an artist, and he doesn't mind any of my habits because he has the same ones. He's definately uncomplicated and I love that, I need that...I just wish I could get the balls to say something about it to him.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
31 August 2005 @ 05:56 pm
It's been awhile since I updated this thing so I decided to start it off with something interesting...

Write a statement intended for 10 different people. Don't say who they are for...
"so you should like guess if i wrote about you or not, ready set go..."
Yeah...I snatched it from LeAnne because I like it....

1. Okay...You were my first real friend. Maybe not my first best friend but you were the one who was there from the start. I've known you since I was six years old, that's pretty insane to think about. I mean I've seen all of you family basically grow up and I feel just as close to all of them as ever. You're my girl sweetie. I think you said it best, if we met now on the street we'd have absolutely nothing in common and probably would never be friends but because we grew up together we have absolutely everything in common. I don't have many memories that don't involve you. You were there at the family parties, you were the one I made up those stupid Spice Girl routines with, you were the one who I made forts with...hell, I have to say that we made being a little kid fun as shit. It's hard to realize that it's been thirteen years and I've been out of high school for over a year and you're going into you Junior year. God, love, some people can't remain friends for thirteen days without fighting. Not me and you..I can't remember a single substantial argument that ever occured between us. Sure we had our little kiddie fights but those haven't happened since you were eight and that was quite awhile ago. Now you're driving and I'm getting my life together and I want you to know that I'm so glad that you're involved in my life still. More than glad actually, esctatic. I know now that you make up one third of me. You're my sister, without you I don't know how I'd function. You know every little tidbit about my life, even the stuff I don't quite remember. And hello, how many catch phrases do we have? "Look, I have boobs in this shirt!" "It's okay, people, I don't inhale." "Don't rev your engine at me, do I look like your two-rev whore? Yeah, nobody besides us really gets them and people look at us weird when we say them but we both crack up when either one of us just randomly spouts one of our unmistakeable quotes. And who the fuck else w ould walk home from Palmer Pool with me? And go with me to visit the hot t-mobile guy, while putting up with me changing in the bathroom not once but twice? We have the best adventures and they are going to be funny ass stories to tell our kids when we get older or just to smile fondly upon. I love you, little sister...always and forever.


2. This one is going to be as long winded as the first because I just have so much I want to say to you that I couldn't possibly say anywhere else. I know we've only known eachother three years but it certainly feels like more. When I wrote in the first one that that person was 1/3 of me I said that because your the other third. I know that without either of you I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't know what to do with myself because you both are such a staple in my life. Other people walk in and walk out but you two have stuck around through thick and thin. You'd let me rant and rave on the phone to you about what a horrible time I was having when I lived in Somerville and you never judged me on anything that may have happened while I was there. That's what a best friend is and you are the true embodiement of my best friend. I don't think I'd be the person I am today if I'd never met you and I know I wouldn't be as happy as I am today if we didn't still talk. If I didn't have your number permanently etched in my head I think I might be certifiably insane by now. Okay I'm gonna take a stroll down memory lane and remind you that we aren't the only ones who've noticed how close we are. Even senior year our classmates realized that we were meant to be friends forever. I remember Richie coming up and asking me where you were one day and I was all I don't know, possibly home sick. And he got offended, because you know how he is and went on to explain that he just asked because he knows that we're practically attatched at the hip. And we certainly were that year, that was the year we became inseperable. We learned that we had a lot in common. Our Peter Pan obsession...actually I'm just going to generalize that and say all of our obsessions because we had quite a few and we shared most of them. Honestly, chica, I'm so glad we've kept in contact even after you moving away. I know how people tell you that you'll lose a lot of friends after high school and I did, but I honestly didn't know that I'd keep the one who meant the most to me. I thought that you moving so far away meant that we'd lose touch but I think it in fact brought us closer. Our many conversations on the phone have definately proved that. I do believe that you are my twin from a different family and we were meant to meet and become friends and the close friends that we became because it pretty much happened out of the blue. I wasn't expecting to meet you when I did or to share the things that we share. I miss you and I wish I could go to Florida right this instant to see you and move there and take away all of your problems. I'm sorry I can't but I will come to see you and I'm so trying to hook you up with my cousin. Who knows, maybe someday you'll be a part of the family. *winkwink* Lost Girls forever, chica.

3) Another long-timer...you're also a girl who graced many of the family functions. Two weddings, baptisms galore, birthday parties, holidays....you name it and you've probably been to one. Therefore, how can I ever forget you? How can I let our friendship drift away even though I know it is. I know we aren't nearly as close as we were. You were my best friend my entire life and now we barely talk. Maybe it's my fault and if it is I'm so sorry I let our friendship go. I let bad shit in my life take me away from the people who really cared about me and I don't know why. Hopefully though I'll be able to take it all back and we can somewhat have what we had. Who knows...but I know that someday we'll at least be able to reminisce about being best friends if we aren't.

4) My love, I'm so sorry you're hurting the way you are now. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry you felt like I'd turn you away if you called me. I'm sorry I haven't visited you when I know you probably are going through the roughest time of your life. I'm sorry that I can't help but feel betrayed by what you did, by the way you almost ended our friendship earlier than any friendship should ever be ended and in a way that no one wants a friendship to end. Mostly I'm sorry that I'm really not sorry. I've been there for you. I've picked you up when you've fallen. I've tried to help you see reason. I've tried to be there. I can't do it anymore. I've picked you up for three years and I won't do it again. I'll still be there when you call but I can't come rushing anymore. I can't throw aside things that I'm working for to pick you up because you trashed or fucked up out of your head and you can't drive. You're not a kid anymore, you need to learn to take responsibility for your actions. You need to listen to your parents and your friends and your goddamn girlfriend when we're all telling you that you've fucked up. I hope when I see you again you'll be better and we can sit down and talk and go back to being friends because I've never had a guy friend like you and I probably won't again.

5) Let me just say this...you're a fucking JACKASS...you think the world revolves around you and congratulations you made my life hell for awhile there. I let you so that's my fault but don't ever think that just because I never confronted you that I don't think that your a greedy little asshole who thinks only of himself and never anyone else. Trust me when I say that we won't ever be friends in fact the only reason I even tolerate you at this point is because of who your girlfriend is. I dislike you very much and I doubt that'll ever change. I don't think I ever felt this way about anyone and it's a great change from what I used to think about you. You were my older brother man and then you totally changed and became a person that I don't even want to know. I know you have it rough, I understand, really I do. But that never gave you the right to treat me the way you treated me. I hope you're satisified with yourself because you lost all the respect I ever had for you.

6) I miss hanging out with you and not being worried about what you think of me or what you might say about me later. I know you talk shit on me. I -know- you do and yet I'm still friends with you and I still put the effort into being friends with you. I honestly don't know why though. At this point the drama that you bring when we hang out isn't worth the little bit of actual friendship I get from you. Maybe I'm just stuck because I'm used to being friends with you and having you around. It'll change though and either you're going to have to grow up we're going to stop being friends. That I can tell you.

7) Look...this is the way I see it. We were close friends, even for a little bit I deluded myself into thinking you were a best friend because at that moment in my life I wasn't really talking to the people who are my true best friends and your were a really good substitute. Maybe that's selfish to say but it's true. I really thought you were someone who would be another best friend along the way but I don't see how a best friend could do what you did to me. The things you put me through were rough and hard and completely unnecessary but we all grow up and realize the mistakes we've made. Letting you in as much as I did was a mistake and I'll make sure I never make it again. With you or anyone else. Honestly there are two people who are my best friends and I feel like they both make up a part of me and without them I'm not me. I'm not sure how you'd fit in but you don't. So I'm gonna take a page from my buds book here and tell you one thing....you're a silly whore.

8) I miss you...I really and truly miss you. You've always listened when I've needed someone to talk to and I'm sorry that I'm letting our friendship fade away but I want you to know that I still cherish every conversation we have together. In fact I have a little folder with your name on it and every conversation we've had in it. I'm good at saving things like that because I'm very nostalgic and I like to go back and look in it and see what we've talked about. I'm sorry if I've hurt you along the way or caused you even an iota of pain because it's not something that you need and I know that. I just wish there was an easy way of saying that honestly everyone I meet is compared to you and never quite measures up. You are what true friends and boyfriends should be made of. I love you. I really do even if I don't say it.

9) Your a good person, girl...don't forget it. You let things in your life screw you up but your a good person. I hope you find your own and are able to grown into yourself. I'm glad we're starting to be friends again. It's comforting. We went through a lot of shit. Hell we did a lot of shit, but we're both getting over it and that's what's important. Even though I know trust is still an issue I'm hoping with the way things are going that you can somehow start to believe what I tell you and know that I'm not being stupid again. And I'm not going to be. I want to be able to prove that to you somehow. You're my girl and I want to be friends again soon because I'm not sure how long I'm staying up this way. It could be a few months or a two years but no more than that. I know I'm moving to Florida and I'm sorry I can't pack you in my bag and take you but I know you understand why I have to do this. It'll just be one more thing to help me get back on track and get away from all the shit that's in Easton. Because it's too easy when you know this many people to let your bad habits rule your life. I thought coming back would be a good idea and it was for awhile but I can see it changing on me.

10) I saved you for last for one specific reason. I wanted you to know head on that no one has ever hurt me the way you did. No ones ever pushed buttons just to get a response. No ones ever left me the way I was when you left me. And if they did they'd certainly not get back into my life the way you managed to just to hurt me again. I know better now. I can do better than you. I'm not some fucking little girl with no confidence anymore and maybe that's why you're trying to get back in but let me tell you that the shit isn't going to happen anymore. There's no way you're ever coming back again. I made that mistake too many times. I'm finally realizing that you aren't the be all end all of my life and I don't love you. In fact, I never did because I don't even know what that is. I don't know what it's like to be in love because it certainly isn't what I had with you. When I finally meet someone they'll treat me the same way I treat them and I know I never did half the shit to you that you did to me. Basically...fuck you.



Thank you...that was my way of venting and getting a lot off of my chest. It feels nice.
 
 
Dear Goodbye
25 July 2005 @ 03:15 pm
I just turned nineteen and I don't think I've ever been more confused about my feelings in my life. I'm happy but at the same time I'm not. I wish I could stop fucking up so that I could somehow get my life a little bit together. I want to be so happy. But things keep getting in my way. My health...my families health (which seems to be detioriating as a whole)...my friends... My one sister has ovarian cancer, one of the others just found out she's in the early stages of sculiosis (however you spell it), and my dad just got back from the hospital. He passed out in the backyard and my mom took him to the hospital. I was in a car accident. I'm just thanking god that everyone was okay since the car I was in hit a motorcycle. Thank god they're alright...thank god.